Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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