I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
