she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
