oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
