I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
