So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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