I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
