guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
