Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
