i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
