I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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