I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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