I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Canadian or clown?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.