its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
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I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle