I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.