Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
