Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.