so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking