I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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