I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
