I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
