Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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