My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
