the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
