My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
