Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
