CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
