He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
