you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
