just come out here and I will go home with you...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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