if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
