24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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