just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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