Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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