this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i think i just lost a toe
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize