tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
