Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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