I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
