Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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