I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
