Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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