What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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