Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Vodka?
Forever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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