That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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