What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he puts the penis in happiness.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize