Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
