i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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