Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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