Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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