Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
