I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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