Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
