It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
