I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
