Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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