She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
