Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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