I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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