Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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