you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
do nipples grow back?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
