I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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