Don't you send me to vm
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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