You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
