Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
