He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
