How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
