you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize