For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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