it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
