just tell him i said nine months
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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