he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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