Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
