My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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