It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
