What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
