He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
