I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
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that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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