last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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