Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hippo gnu deer
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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